Insecurity in love: 10 + 1 methods to overcome it
Even if no one is willing to admit it lightly, insecurity in love is something that can affect everyone, even people who have never had self-esteem problems. That’s why it’s important to know and apply the advice you find in this article.
To whom has it never happened, at least once, to feel awkward and uncertain with a person we feel could be the “right” one? How many times have we found ourselves in fear of making a fool?
Let’s make it clear: these are very common attitudes which, in some ways, are also healthy!
Worrying about making a good impression in front of the person we care about is positive in itself, and pushes us to give something more. Provided, of course, not to overdo it: if you realize that your uncertainties and hesitations are destined to turn into insecurities that could affect your self-esteem and the relationship with the other half, it is probably worth taking action.
Well, if you want to overcome insecurity in love, below are 10 (+1) methods that could help you out.
Try to read them with an open approach and with the desire to “dare”: I am sure that they will help you to remove any negative wave of emotions and that they will give an extra gear to your relationship.
If we do not have confidence in ourselves, we will hardly be able to give our best in relationships with other people; it is therefore the perfect basis from which to start.
Now let’s see the tips to start working on your insecurity in love …
- 1) Be proud of yourself
- 2) Accept that you cannot go back in time
- 3) Do not seek comparison with ex
- 4) Don’t be afraid to ask questions
- 5) Try to change perspective
- 6) Trust (a little) more than people do
- 7) Develop your strengths
- 8) Appreciate that you are like no other
- 9) Find out what makes you feel bad
- 10) Talk to those around you
- (10 + 1) Show love … to yourself!
1) Be proud of yourself
The first step to building a solid relationship in love? Look inside yourself and feel a little more proud of what you are.
I know what you are thinking: how many times have you heard yourself repeating these sentences! But think about it, you often lose your self-esteem because you are too focused on what you are not, and not on what you really are.
Then try to evaluate yourself with the right kindness. Try to find out your talents. And on these you build self-confidence. This will help you feel your weaknesses over time over time.
2) Accept that you cannot go back in time
Constantly brooding about what happened in the past, about the things you could have done and didn’t do, or what you did and you shouldn’t have done … it’s useless!
Accept that you cannot go back in time and, probably, you will be able to accept that one of the main causes of your insecurities could be your inability to realize that disappointments and mistakes are part of life and your personal growth.
If the above is valid for any aspect of your life, it is even more so in love!
3) Do not seek comparison with ex
One of the greatest sources of insecurity in love? It is undoubtedly linked to the bad habit of dealing with other people. And, when I talk to other people, you should have guessed that I am referring mainly to ex.
Comparing oneself to ex-friends, making constant references and competing with them is one of the most common and recurring causes of conflict between couples. And if in some ways it can be “normal” and physiological to have benchmarks to measure yourself with, most of the time it would be advisable to avoid falling into this trap.
Remember that insecurity and jealousy together form a lethal combination for the health of a love relationship; their constant presence in the long run can lead to the breakdown of the relationship!
4) Don’t be afraid to ask questions
Another rather common cause of insecurity in love is that there is often fear of asking questions about their respective moods.
But why? Partly there are fears of disturbing the sensitivity of the other, but most of the time it is a harmful mix of lack of trust and low self-esteem on the one hand, and the fear of knowing the truth.
In short, it happens that knowing the truth about the aspects of our personality that “define” us as partners and as lovers can cause uncertainty, anxiety and an access of often useless and harmful concerns.
5) Try to change perspective
Sometimes to improve safety and self-esteem in love it is enough to commit yourself for a while to change perspective. But what does it mean?
You have probably already heard this advice elsewhere, precisely because it is one of the foundations of empathy in personal relationships, but how to put it into practice?
Well, my suggestion is to try to change your attitude towards something that is often the cause of confrontation in your relationships. Of course, I am aware that it is easier said than done but … you will have to start somewhere, right?
And do not think of this behavioral turn as a defeat: it is simply a matter of demonstrating the right maturity to try to positively evolve a relationship, starting from another vision of oneself!
This will probably also positively influence the way others relate to you, giving you great satisfaction. Here, perhaps, it will be clear to you that that particular attitude was not only wrong, but also harmful to yourself, not only to others.
6) Trust (a little) more than people do
Maybe you underestimate it, but we are talking about an important determinant of insecurity in love, or the inability to trust others because of your past stories, which perhaps led you to believe that you cannot count on anyone except on themselves.
Indeed, the “cheats” are always around the corner. And I will not be to disprove this awareness!
My invitation is, however, not to let your disappointments harm the new experiences. Instead, try to be open to new opportunities and to meeting new people, stopping building walls and barriers that – rest assured! – However, they will not protect you from the badness of the outside world.
So try to react by opening more doors and windows, so that the light of others can illuminate your life.
7) Develop your strengths
Instead of focusing on the negative things you think about yourself and your relationship, find something from which you can develop joy and draw strength.
For example, you can try to understand what makes you happy as a person, as a partner or as a friend. Try to focus attention on these aspects and remember that generating happiness for people who make you feel good is an inexhaustible source of positive energy.
8) Appreciate that you are like no other
It may seem trivial but … remember that you are unique, different from everyone and like no other!
The truth is that many people fail to appreciate the positive things they have and often feel unsuitable just because they don’t feel they are “special”. This is a very common sign of insecurity, but there is good news: you can easily break this circle of negativity!
In my opinion, the best way to overcome the climate that is not conducive to safety in love is to understand that there are people who really appreciate you, even if perhaps it seems that nobody proves it.
Try to look around and remember all the situations in which your qualities and your way of being have been appreciated. This is an excellent basis for developing a new awareness of yourself.
9) Find out what makes you feel bad
Many people may find themselves in a situation where they feel that something is wrong with their relationship, but do not fully understand what is happening.
Hence a simple recommendation. Find out what really bothers you and doesn’t make you feel good. Try to understand what are the triggers, events and situations that can make you perceive these negativity. In other words, try to get to know yourself better, especially what makes you more “vulnerable”.
10) Talk to those around you
Remember that you are never alone and that you can discover really important things by talking to your friends and the people around you.
Of course, then try to do the same for others: value them by showing that you care about them and that they are important to you.
People who transmit love and positivity generally receive the same from other people, so the clouds of insecurity go away!
(10 + 1) Show love … to yourself!
Last, but not least, is the need to give love to yourself.
Even if you are engaged in a romantic relationship, in which you are expected to give love and affection, never forget to leave some for yourself!
What do you think? How did you overcome insecurity in love?
Let me know in the comments!